Lately I have been struggling with things. I went to church today and did not get the "shower of annointing" that I usually get when I go to church. Mostly I just stood there and was sort of out of it. But I've just been struggling. It's been a tough few weeks. Seeing Craig the guy from Adecco whose name I can't remember get made fun of and was tough. Mostly I just stood there, tried not to get involved. And this whole knowing God stuff is impossible. God is impossible to know because He is so vast and there is so much information about Him. The Bible is a bad place to get to know God because on one hand it is "love thy neighbor" on the other it is "hate homosexuals." It is "love never fails" and "women are to be submissive to their husbands." Also church is a bad place to get to know God because it's sort of like bait and switch. Just believe in Jesus and then you will be saved, oh and read your bible everyday you lazy sinner. Look at this verse, you are going to hell. Then you meet people who say things that make no sense whatsoever, like "under authority," "the World," "knowing God", Biblebabble I call it. Also these people want to burn war movies and fast forward through mild sex scenes in comedy movies. So the words of the American poet Speech run through my head now and again. "Why does it have to be so damn tough." Which has just been answered by the great Canadian poet Bruce Cockburn;

"Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight/gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight."