Random.

I'll admit I haven't updated in forever. Whatever I'm a student and I have finals. Yes I found out 4 hours is the most amount of time I can study for philosophy in a day. I have an English essay to write for tomorrow. I finished it I just have to polish it and make it nice and shiny. And also the news is coming up and our country's got some dramz on the political scene. And that is all I can write now. Oh I'm moving in with someone at the end of the month. Will be residing over on the westside. That's all. Over and out.

How About 100?

What was I thinking? 1000 blessings? How about 100?

Well I found out student loans was depositing money into my account (23) which is why I am not starving (24). In fact I can cook (25) like you would not believe. I invited two friends over and we had some rice and chickpeas that I made. Also I had an omelet, toast and hashbrowns yesterday and it was so good. My stove got fixed (26). So now I can make spaghetti and a sauce. It is still warm enough to walk to school (27) which is what I do for excersise otherwise I would weigh a lot more then I do now if I did not walk. I can walk (28).

I found a song I can play using 2 chords. (29). "Anybody else but you" off the Juno soundtrack (30). I like my guitar. (31). I don't work on Friday. (32). I was up incredibly late last night so I did some devotional and it was very soothing. (33). So is this, (34)

1000 blessings. Can I do it?

Well I have decided to do this 1000 things to be grateful for. I have seen on the blogs of Care Bear and flower lady. Here it goes...

1. My brain. Glad I am in University (2). Mom (3) Dad (4) Colin (my brother) (5) Janna (6) Jordan (7). My apartment (8) I am not homeless. (9). I am healthy for the most part (10). My church (11). The people in my church such as: Sherry (12) Oriol (13) who brought me to Hope Fellowship. Good little evangeliser she is. Roxane (14). Kathleen (15), Pearl (soon to be Pearl Tseona where's my invitation. Just kidding. I have a final the next day. (16) Megan W. for giving me rides (17) to Camille (18) and Andrew's place. (19). Vanessa who is there and gives me rides. (20). Yes when you don't own a car you are very grateful to people who give you rides so you don't have to spend money on cab fare. (21). Like Megan's husband Toby. (22).

Yes there is a lot more things to be grateful for. Well a long time ago a lonely 16 year old kid prayed for a friend because she didn't have any. At first she decided that God wanted to be her to be friends with her Mom. There were some kids at her school she could have been friends with but she didn't like them because they smelled bad or they looked weird. And she wanted to be friends with artsy people. Then after leaving school she decided that God wanted her to be friends with her self so she sang "You love me" by Jill Scott to herself in the mirror. Then some time later after really wanting to be friends with an aging country singer and his daughter she decided to give her cousin a call to re-establish this tie. Cousin invited her to Concerts of the Heart thing where she heard Care Bear talk about Psalm 121. Then she went to church and made friends. And some time later entered university and life is continuing.

This and that

Not much to say except that I am committed to taking care of myself and tried on a size 14 pants and they fit. They were a little tight in certain places, not a huge fan of cameltoe, but still I could put them on. Whenever I lose weight I have a tendency to "freak out" and go eat everything in sight and gain it all back. Hopefully that won't happen. I also live within walking distance between not one but two bookstores Happy times indeed.

My Wednesday night

So I was out with 2 friends (I won't say who). And they were talking about how certain "C & C" aged people at our church dress. They believed that the clothes they were wearing were too revealing. One friend wanted to talk to the pastor about how other girls have been dressing. She said "there must be something in the Bible against that." She also was talking about how women make men sin with how they dress. The other friend then went on to say she agrees with Islamic cultures and their restrictions on how women dress. She even said "I don't think a woman should wear a tank top unless it is in front of her husband."

I stood there mute and didn't say anything. You see I hear stuff like that and don't say anything. But after my time with them ended I was at my house fuming. About how these supposed good Christians were just about concentrating about the surface which as good Christians we are supposed to look beyond that and into what is inside. About my mom leaving the church as a teenager because the people at her church were telling her about how to dress. But mostly I thought about how there is such great passages in the Bible, wonderful loving passages like Acts 17:28: "For in [God] we live, move and have our being." and 1 John 4:16: "God is love and those who live in love, live in God." Yet people seem to forget these passages and go to other passages which talk about other things like those verses in Corinthians and Leviticus. What is it about religion and Christianity that people decide "Let's go after certain people for how they dress." ?

Really the conversation that night was one that made me ask "what kind of church do I belong too?", "Do I really want to hang out with these people anymore?" No we as Christians (christ-followers) should concentrate on the inside. These girls want to go after other girls for dressing "t00 revealing." Frankly I envy girls who dress in revealing clothes. As a fatso I long to be little and lean and wear a cute tank top and go jogging in a sports bra. (which these girls were saying is something that shouldn't be allowed). Heck I would like to jog, except for physical reasons it is painful for me to do so. And blaming women for the sinning of men is wrong but that's been happening since the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve for eating the fruit. That doesn't mean it is right. Also the problem with envying the Muslims for thier restrictions on female dress is that the dressing is the outcome of a society were women are inferior in every possible way. I certainly hope that the next time I am out with these girls that they do not suggest women who get raped or get pregnant out of wedlock should be killed because they shamed the family.

Also I too can concentrate on the inside more then the outside. Like the sister of one of the friends came to church and the sister had a mustache. I desperately wanted to take aside the sister and bleach her mustache, or give her a razor, or some gift certificates to a salon that specialises in hair removal. This one lady at our church had a hairstyle that made her look 10 years older. I did want to come up to her and say "that hairstyle makes you look 10 years older." But I didn't even though I wanted to and she probably would have punched me if I said that. And there is this woman who wears jeans that bisect her tummy so her tummy is hanging over her jeans like a native person. I would like to tell that woman "please don't wear jeans. Buy pants that zip up on the side." There is also a woman at our church with a haircut that makes her look like a dyke. I want to say to her: "There is a club called Diva's. Don't ever go there because you will get the wrong kind of attention. Actually don't ever go to San Francisco, because you will get the wrong kind of attention there as well." So I too can be very superficial. But I'm sure there are many other people in our church who would like to go to other people in our church and say "Stop dancing. That is inappropriate and ungodly." or "People who wear goth make-up should not be allowed in our church." And on and on it goes. But I hope to look deeper and rise above my nature.

CBC radio 3 fun club

So I listen to this show called the R3-30. It is CBC radio 3's countdown show. They have this facebook group called the fun club. And on this facebook group the message was to email a request for a song featuring the banjo. I almost requested the Big Sugar "All Hell for a Basement" but remembered with the amount of times I heard it on FM radio, it probably wasn't indie. So I requested the Be Good Tanyas's "Oostishchenia" And as I was getting ready to leave for my 8:30 am class, I turned on the podcast and R3-30 host Craig Norris read out my letter pronouncing my name correctly, which is interesting, given that on a previous episode he read a letter from a classmate of mine but prounounced the name of my hometown, Biggar, incorrectly. Go Figure. Well my letter was read (they edited it, though) and I grooved to the lovely sounds of "Ootischenia" as I started my day.

Nothing much to say, other than I am leaving for school in 2 minutes and am taking my bike. I wonder where this life will lead me. I sometime think about going into education or journalism. I wonder. Right now I feel going to university is the right decision. I feel it's where I belong.

School is starting

Another fall and student life is starting once again. Fall brings cooler weather, but yay I can use my oven and bake bread again and make spaghetti. Fall also brings school, God Rock, cinq au sept at Le Relais which I will go to this year. (Call me Kamelle: budding francophile.) My muddled ancestry is part French so it should not be so hard to pass myself off as French. . Both my classes are in the same classroom on different days. My political studies class got moved from the Education building into Arts 146. So I will not have to hike all the way to the Education building twice a week. So I have been trying to fight fatigue tonight and clean the apartment and do the dishes and start the school year off fresh. But I may go to bed instead.

The Olympics

I love the Olympics. Most of the time I don't watch TV, but when the Olympics are on I watch it all the time. Mostly I am a little sad because this will be the CBC's last time covering the Olympics for a while and then CTV will get the games. I still remember how terrible their coverage was in Barcelona. I remember interviews with panting athletes who could barely breathe and there were hardly any sports it was all "human interest" crap. I am really hoping they will not screw up Vancouver badly. I mean a lot can change in 19 years. They have Brian Williams and Chris Cuthbert. If they can get some kick ass commentators like Kurt Browning. TSN would probably be wall to wall sports.

I guess I am still waiting for a medal. It's interesting in this country. Hockey rules and these athletes who win gold in the summer olympics will get their five minutes of fame and go back to anonymity. No big sponsorship deals or millions of dollars like Phelps. No big star making hype machine like in the U.S.

One of the things that fascinates me about the Olympics is these people spends hours each day training for years for an event that lasts a few seconds. You work so hard and then it is over. Do you even remember it afterwards? Does Donavan Bailey remember winning the 100 metre sprint? Will Michael Phelps remember winning any of his golds? I don't know.


But I must watch wall to wall Olympics. I missed the opening ceremonies though. I can't wait for it to come out on DVD.

Warman Glory Conference

For the past 2 nights I have been at the "Glory" conference at Christian Life Fellowship in Warman. This is the first such conference I have been to which has featured healing and miracles happening. The weird thing is that they also have an incredibly good worship band and I have been concentrating on that. C.L.F is a pentecostal church so there is a lot of yelling there. And I have really lost myself and have done things that I normally do not do during worship time at Hope. I've been yelling, dancing, prostrating myself. It's really been incredible. But it's hard to walk out of something like that and go back to the humdrum drudgery of work and daily existence. Okay I am happy about not going tonight because I need to clean my place and call my parents. Also the first night I was there something came over me and I got some bad news (from God?) about someone in my family and I am worried with the amount of times that Mom has been calling me that things are not okay.
Those conferences are very weird things.

Basia Bulat

Get Basia Bulat's CD "Oh, My Darling." Cause it's awesome

Spa and other Random thoughts

Bought a spa book from Coles. And Ricardo's magazine called "Ricardo." Sort of like "O" but instead of a black woman there is a cute Quebec guy on the cover every month. Both have helped me 'destress' from work and other things.

Cleanse

So I went on this cleanse from this book "The Natural Makeover Diet" It suggest you go on a cleanse for 5 days and not eat dairy, grain, or red meat. I usually don't eat red meat anyway, but I love bread and cheese. The first day was Friday, and it was relatively easy to do. Okay I cheated. I had a doughnut on my lunch break, and at the concert I had some squares. But today at lunch I had a salad and was still hungry so I had some soup. Also today I was downtown and passed about 5 hot dog stands saying nope I can't have that. So anywho, after the soup I was still a bit hungry and I went to Superstore, and was walking passed thier hot dog stand going can't have that, and the chips going can't have that. This was weird given that I never want anything from the hot dog stand at Superstore. I find most brands of chips are tasteless, so I usually don't buy them. But I was still hungry and I had 10 dollars left over and I was like I wanna go to A&W, no I can't. Because I am on this stupid cleanse and I am starving myself and my body is rebelling.
I finally gave in and went to Quizno's. I am off the cleanse. I have a nice baguette which will be very nice tomorrow with the goat cheese in my fridge. Looking forward to having yogurt. With Blueberries.

The Girl in the Bubble

I have been listening to Tanya Bargen's sermon repeatedly lately. It relates so much to where I am at right now. Sometimes people who preach can go right over my head and I'll be like, I did not understand what the heck he was talking about. But her message was just so relevant to me. I guess God has been speaking to me through that message telling me that I definitely do live in a bubble. I have never thought why was I born in north america and not africa? why was I born to a stable home evironment?, why are my parents married 32 years and so and so's are divorced? But I know people who have had those questions. My brother in particular. I tend to be very selfish he told me that years ago and it has always been in the back of my mind. I remember reading "Blue Like Jazz" where the author talks about how he is so self centred and I am like that is definitely me.

Today I quit my job at Sobeys. I don't think I ever want to work with the public ever again. I hate seeing the ugly underbelly of humanity; mothers with their children who berate store employees for calling them "ma'am," or accuse them of "throwing thier food.", a business owner who says he will take sick days off an employee's vacation days, and a supervisor who calls me to the carpet on the dumbest things that no one ever cares about. When I take a shift on my day off, the last thing I want is to be berated about leaving 2 rolls of pennies on top of the register.
J.P have you noticed that nobody cares about pennies, they are not likely to get stolen. Whatever. It's all over now. I would like to know how to respond to people who are like that though.
.

I love movies. I have just watched "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly." So good. The first movie I've seen in a while I was able to watch from beginning to end. I have also been looking at my classes and 2 classes that I want to take next semester in Term 2 are on the same time as each other, which sucks. Let's see; Introduction to Film or Introduction to Human Geography. Intro to Film it is.

I finally figured it out.

So at a restaurant sometime in the winter, I was asked it I knew God. "How can you possible know God?" is what I wondered. So in response I talked more than I ever talked in my whole life in one sitting about my life in general. But this knowing God thing puzzled me. Knowing God? Perhaps there is a book on the subject. (There is). But what I was after was a lot of Bible reading and reading books by people who had read the Bible and said what it was about. Which is what most Christians do anyway; it's too hard to figure out this on your own. But lately I have been reading "Jesus: Uncovering the Life, Teachings, and Relevance of a Religious Revolutionary." And somewhere it clicked that knowing God was about having an encounter with Him. An intimate spiritual experience. The only one that I've had so far is one in which God spoke to me while I was in the most secualar of places; a north end call center. He said two words to me "I'm Here." As I write this I realise that God is everywhere. With me now, as I write this in a messy, disorganized "hole in the ground." that I call my apartment. It's something that I'm still trying to comprehend. But I don't know if I can.

Life has calmed down. It is interesting how God speaks to you. I was thinking about this whole getting to know God and how if you are a Christian you are supposed to be in a "personal relationship with Jesus." As I thought about that, I thought of all the things that I would do if I Jesus was physically here and what I would do with him. I thought of all the music we would listen to and the movies we would watch. Then I thought of how he would eat with sinners so I imagined him and I having dinner and he would bring over some homeless people and prostitutes from 20th street. I thought of how we would go to Edmonton to see my sister, and he would not want to go to West Edmonton Mall because that was a symbol of Society's greed and commercialism. He probably would not like the lifestyles of the Western world how we have so much wealth and what not. Even I have a lot of money compared to most people in the world and yet I am categorised as living below the poverty line.

But it led me to think of other places to go to church in case Hope Fellowship never considers me "mennonite" enough or I give into temptation and really screw up and they kick me out like R. and R. . I have been thinking about going to the Bridge on 20th. I think there is a real need there in the inner city. Now I'm gonna go and call my sister.

Lately I have been struggling with things. I went to church today and did not get the "shower of annointing" that I usually get when I go to church. Mostly I just stood there and was sort of out of it. But I've just been struggling. It's been a tough few weeks. Seeing Craig the guy from Adecco whose name I can't remember get made fun of and was tough. Mostly I just stood there, tried not to get involved. And this whole knowing God stuff is impossible. God is impossible to know because He is so vast and there is so much information about Him. The Bible is a bad place to get to know God because on one hand it is "love thy neighbor" on the other it is "hate homosexuals." It is "love never fails" and "women are to be submissive to their husbands." Also church is a bad place to get to know God because it's sort of like bait and switch. Just believe in Jesus and then you will be saved, oh and read your bible everyday you lazy sinner. Look at this verse, you are going to hell. Then you meet people who say things that make no sense whatsoever, like "under authority," "the World," "knowing God", Biblebabble I call it. Also these people want to burn war movies and fast forward through mild sex scenes in comedy movies. So the words of the American poet Speech run through my head now and again. "Why does it have to be so damn tough." Which has just been answered by the great Canadian poet Bruce Cockburn;

"Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight/gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight."